*|i.r.a|*

ambiguous
4.03.2006

My friend said "love 'til it hurts..."

I strongly oppose to this!!

Why get hurt if you can not? Why keep on holding on if the other person doesn't even care?? Wouldn't that be unfair to you? By doing that, you're just hurting yourself! And I think it's stupid!

My friend also said: "it's all worth it if the person you're giving worth makes you happy. love needs not be equal to be fair... it only needs to be true."

True! It doesn't need to be equal, just true. But being true doesn't mean you have to swallow all the pain!! Are you really happy when you're hurting? Love will always live. But sometimes you already have to let go if you're hurting. Be considerate of yourself. Let yourself breathe.

You don't have to get hurt because of love. There are always choices, options. It's not always A or B. There's still a C, a D, an E, and all the way to Z! My point is, why allow yourself to get hurt? Don't you think that when the person whom you're one-sidedly loving finds out also wouldn't want you doing this to yourself?

I haven't fallen in love before. But, I've been hurt by loving too much. That's why I know that by being a martyr is punishing yourself for pains you shouldn't be experiencing anyway!! Love can never be forced. I learned this the hard way. It's funny how life works. One day it's all going well then the next day it will slam you up front real hard! It may be of different love, but it's still the same. Being a slave for love is not always right. For me, I was too blind and too naive to believe the truth. Or maybe it is because I didn't want to see the truth. I didn't want to believe what I was already seeing and realizing. I wanted to keep on holding on to a complete family. But as the years passed, the pains keep on building up and the truths just hits me harder and harder everytime. I knew I couldn't hold on forever. I had to accept the truth and let go. It would be selfish of me if I never allowed to the separation. It was best this way.

"take a RISK, take a CHANCE, make a CHANGE... and BREAKAWAY.."

now there's a reason why the words CHANGE and BREAKAWAY are there!

We all have different views on love, different beliefs, and different stands. Come to think of it, love makes us do the craziest and most desperate things. But no matter what, is it right to let yourself get hurt for love?

Someone tell me...

::10:47 PM:: |ira| (2) comments

welcome babygirl!
12.08.2005

oh my gosh!! i have a new niece and she's OUT!

i asked my brother to name her TIARA CASSANDRA, cute right?!

can't wait to see her and hold her.

she'll be home by saturday. can't wait!!

look at her...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

so cute! so white!haha.

eto

isa pa...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

ang CUTE ni sandy!!

WELCOME TO THIS CRAZY WORLD, TIARA CASSANDRA! LOVE YOU!!though u still don't know me. haha.

::5:56 PM:: |ira| (0) comments

ONE WAY, JESUS

just got back from our camping.. it was actually kind of fun, tiring though..
start palang ang kulit kulit na ni grace..she calls us babygirls...haha. okei lng pagbigyan na, msaya naman e. before the activities started we ate our dinner, mejo na-late nga lng un drinks., pero okei lng na-solo nmn nmin un isang bote ng coke e..haha..[xenxa nah..mautak kami e..sphies in particular! :)] anyway, to start of, sister awarded our club for having the most number of students who attended (in percent) but there's something behind that(mauutak ang mga mycans!!). haha.GO MYCANS!! after that we had prayer worship. it not like that of reciting prayers and stuffs. actually it's very different. here we can do anything to express our faith. others -- parang nagwawala na nga e, maxado faithful. haha. nakakabother lang un band kasi pumipiyok sila and nasisintonado. pero sige lang, kanta lang ng kanta! following the prayer worship was a more solemn one, the living rosary. thank goodness we didn't do ALL the mysteries kundi tutulugan ko na talaga un. the way they did it was cool. all the light were off and the only source of lifght would be the ones from the stage and the candle of the participants. they were standing on the bleachers and they illuminated the whole stretch of the bleachers. it looked really nice just seeing the lights of the candles.cool.

after the living rosary they gave us time to rest also so they could prepare for the amazing race. we weren't able to rest though coz of those people na kumakanta ng wala sa tono! grabe, feel na feel nila, sakit naman sa ulo. to top it all, they were suppose to give us like 30min. break tpos bigla kami pnatawag lhat ksi daw mgsstart na un game!! urghh...... so un amazing race na, the problem was there was no station six so our group was left behind. ang saya-saya pa nmn ksi 'naging' mgkk-group kmi ng ibang mga 2-8 and 2-7 + nikki, pero la nmn ngyari. tinakbo p nmin buong field dahil sa station six na un!

anyway, the game was over and they hailed us back in for another activity. they planned to give us a 'quiz b' sorta game but they saw we were all dead beat so they decided to cancel the game. instead of the game, we had another prayer worship. this time a more refined one. we sang and really tried to feel His presence, thanked Him for everything and lifted all our worries and thoughts while praising and singing.

can't remember the rest of the activities anymore. but we kind of 'ended' the day with a movie. that was from 2 am to 4:45 am. i didn't watch it though. i didn't like the film. it was this other version of joan of arc that was not my liking so i just slept through the movie which was kind of hard cause no body was really watching, they were just chating loudly. but still i got my so-called sleep so i guess it's okay. then the dreaded time came, the movie's end.

they woke us up and gave us time to freshen up. then we jogged around the gym. actually, just around the front of the high school building coz everybody was still heavy-eyed so they lead us to the field and we did some warm ups. after that we went back inside the gym for the rescheduled 'quiz b'. what a way to wake us up huh?! we were at the end of the line so basically we got the difficult questions, but we still got through. hastle though coz we had to race upto the chair. nadulas pa si ysabel and she landed flat on her butt. aww kawawa ka naman ysabool!! pero okei lng u made it fun 'til the end necause of that. nagising kmi dun dhil sa kakatawa..ahahaha..

anyhow, i'll just write up to here. i REALLY REALLY need a VERY LONG LONG SLEEP.
so ta ta...

::6:37 AM:: |ira| (0) comments

it started with a word
9.15.2005

This has been the most shocking day for me!!

First, we were able to finish the second page for speech choir AND we were able to start with the first stanza on the third page, and we only had today to do it. Gosh! I never expected that it'll be that fast. It's not that I don't like it, I'm just amazed! :)

During the afternoon practice, we had our first break. Some of my classmates and I were talking about something when i started to comment on my classmate's drawing. Then it all started.. They said something that was unfamiliar to me and I asked what it was but they didn't answer at once. After some minutes of asking and discussing my other classmate said something I NEVER, in my whole life, expected to be asked of... It just shocked me. I just stood there staring at her and my friend just shouted "HINDI YAN 'NO!". Though still in shock, me and my friend just laughed, along with our other classmates.

~*~

I never really answered the question. Well, not directly. Honestly, I'm still thinking about it. Am I? Or am I not? I still don't know. Or I know but I don't know if I'll admit it. I guess I am but I didn't know just yet and my friend was able to kind of indirectly tell me that I am by answering it for me. Maybe. I'm still thinking...

::7:52 PM:: |ira| (0) comments

still... there's still the sky to look up to
8.27.2005

BLUE SKY - Hale

When do stars fade their light?
Does the moon and the sun make it right
For you the world maybe
Like an endless storm chasing a mystery

Is there hate in your heart?
Does your body drop and tell you to stop
Loving you or loving me
When it all falls down you just sing with me

Coz there's a blue sky waiting tomorrow
Waiting tomorrow shining and shimmering
A blue sky waiting tomorrow
Waiting tomorrow
Maybe it's all we need

Oh don't you wash away that smile
You just look out the window and see the light
It's beautiful to be alive
It's wonderful to live a life

The sun is sure to shine
For you and me for everyone
So don't be sad it's just the start
Of a new beginning in your life

Rain will keep on pouring
Some things you can't control
And while the sun seems far and hard to hold
It will unfold

There will always be a blue sky
A blue sky waiting tomorrow

::10:00 PM:: |ira| (0) comments

haii... life

i got my card na!
and m not really satisfied with it!!
lalo n kc hindi nko pwede maging awardee because of this subject!!
but it's still okay ksi mrmi-rmi nmn un mataas. (THANK YOU GOD!!)

haii.. life!!

ano b kc gngwa ko e!! (ira gumising k nga kc!!)
bsta,
this time., swear mgse-seryoso n ulit ako!!

::7:37 PM:: |ira| (0) comments

i guess this is my shoulda,woulda,coulda
8.19.2005

I Should've Known Better

It's been a long time comin' and the card were stacked.

It's been a long hard road to hell and back.

Your love meant trouble from the day we met.

You won every hand, I lost every bet.

Now you'd think that I should've known better.

Now I think that I should've seen it come.

My heart sank when I read that letter.

It sank like a stone, it sank like a stone.

A cup of cold coffee, yesterday's mail.

A bad love like this is always bound to fail.

Your love meant trouble from the day we met.

If you want your things, they're on the front step.

Now you'd think that I should've known better.

Now I think that I should've seen it come.

My heart sank when I read that letter.

It sank like a stone, it sank like a stone.

All alone in my kitchen.

All alone in my head.

Somethings you can't take back, once they've been said.

I don't know what this love is for.

All I know is I don't want it anymore.

Now you'd think that I should've known better.

Now I think that I should've seen it come.

My heart sank when I read that letter.

It sank like a stone, it sank like a stone

***

i saw you wearing 'that' jersey, shit!! kikiligin n sana ko kasi ang cute mo. pero nainis lang ako at nalungkot! and everytime i see you, i just hide it all!

::6:15 PM:: |ira| (0) comments

senseless...
7.13.2005

All I can see is darkness. My body shivers from time to time. Hairs at the back of my neck and on my arms stand. I hear footsteps. I run. I walk. I try to hide. Voices, I hear them like hymns from a distant place. I can see a door and I run for it. I run but I couldn't lift my feet. I want to get out. Then the door opens and I just seem to drag myself through it. I'm out, at last! I look at the moon as dark clouds try to cover its light. I feel the wind as it blows my entire being, leading me back to this melancholic place where I find my soul in complete solitude. I try to savor the darkness. I try to escape. Rapidly, I scamper my way out and search for a light I long to see. Then right there, I see the flicker of light I've been anticipating. It keeps on blinking and I follow it. Subconsciously, it leads me out.

At night, after savoring the darkness, I try to let myself fall into a deep slumber. But to no effect, I find myself counting sheeps. Or was it just a hallucination of white shadows running across my room. I can't see clearly. Then the wind blows against my ears and the silence captures me in its arms. The thoughts haunt me and in the darkness they continue to linger. Then I hear those footsteps again. My mind kept wondering.

The moon keeps on shining. The wind keeps on blowing. The silence still embraces me and my thoughts continue to haunt me. I reached for the bag of ice wrapped in a small towel I had prepared earlier and used it as cold compress. A few minutes after I applied the cold compress I felt the warmth of my tears. Now, I cannot hide. I sit in the corner of my room, figuring what they want to tell me. Then I knew they all came in, bringing memories of how it used to be... our love.

::12:19 AM:: |ira| (0) comments

[( kaya ko kaya?! )]
7.11.2005

Paalam Na
MYMP

Bakit nang nagpaalam ka
Sabi mo ay babalik
Hanggang ngayo'y wala

Sino na ba ang bago mo
Mas malambing ba siya
Mahal pa ba ako

**
Hindi ko na pansin
Paglipas ng araw
Ang nasa isip ko na lamang
Laging ikaw

Paalam na
Nasaan man ngayon
May iba mang mahal
Pangako'y 'di nagtagal

Paalam na
Sana ay alam mo
Ang puso'y maghihintay
Alang-alang sa 'yo

Di ba ang sabi mo noon
Panghabang buhay na tayong dalawa
Dito sa pusong bihag mo
Wala nang papalit, ikaw lang at ako

**

Paalam na
Nasaan man ngayon
May iba mang mahal
Pangako'y 'di nagtagal

Paalam na
Sana ay alam mo
Ang puso'y maghihintay
Alang-alang sa 'yo

Ang puso'y maghihintay...

::10:49 AM:: |ira| (0) comments

para sa'yo.. naririnig mo ba 'ko?

Miss U
mymp

Miss you...

Everyday and every night, this feeling I'd fight
Try as I might but I won't win, I surrender, I'd die
You are winning here alright

Every morning when the sun would shine on me
I'd flash a smile but deep inside
I feel so sad and lonely
I need you here and now

I miss you
It's crazy to pretend that I don't think of you
The more this feeling just seems to grow and grow

I miss you
Oh how much longer can I hold on to
Maybe you can come and tell me that you miss me too

Miss you...

All I want is for this love to last forever
You walked away, never came back, oh I tried to recover
I can't bear it boy alright

When I hear a song that we had used to share
I'll try as I might to hide the tears, and when the pain is over
I'll wish that you are near

I miss you
It's crazy to pretend that I don't think of you
The more this feeling just seems to grow and grow

I miss you
Oh how much longer can I hold on to
Maybe you can come and tell me that you miss me too

Miss you...

2nd post ko na toh!! grabe., ganito pala talaga.. ang hirap.. :(

::10:33 AM:: |ira| (0) comments

tibok ng puso

Why can't I think straight?!?! I'm supposed to be doing my reaction paper in health; but every time I start, you just seem to find a way to lure me back to thinking of you. Events from yesterday just keep on rewinding in my head. I want to stop! You're already with someone else!! I've accepted that, though it came as a shock! I want to think of something else! I want to get you out from my head! I've already been staring at this freakin' monitor for hours and still my reaction paper is still white blank. (Damn ira! Get it straight!)
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you? Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you? It's inevitable, it's the fact that we're gonna get down to it so tell me. Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?! (WTF?!?! stop it ira!)

Mali talaga! Dapat kasi umiwas nalang ako sa topic na yun kasi alam ko ganito na naman mangyayari! Dapat hindi na lang ako nagpa-kwento tungkol sayo! Bakit ba lagi ka na lang bumabalik?!

::8:51 AM:: |ira| (0) comments

<3